Internal Struggle

I can’t sleep.
The feeling, the thoughts, the memories… The full moon, keep waking me

I don’t want 2 relieve myself, though the urge is definitely present

Sometimes its better to wait
Allow yourself to remain hungry
The feeling alone is deliciously satisfying… To a point
Oh, Mr. Mister what am I allowing you to do to me?
In times like these are when I appreciate being of the female form…and also being an artist

Sensuality, creativity and a healthy imagination are such a comforting combination

Mmm…

But the question keeps creeping to the scene… Will it be sufficient to keep me from frantically finding somewhere to allow you to …penetrate my walls?

Though I have welcomed you to the door, my defenses are still up high… Well, medium high and I’m still not sure I really want to let you in.

Be it natural intuitive caution or simply fear of so easily giving you the key to everything I keep sheltered inside… Are you even worth it? Can I maintain a disconnect and keep you confined to specific chambers of my mind, heart, body and spirit? Will I even need to? Do you know your place better than I? Is my intellect running away with me again? Disrupting pure, innocent desire from being fed in the name of self-protection? It’s not that serious, my body says, just give in, you won’t regret it.

Will I? Is it worth the risk? We knew it was coming, where are your thoughts leading you? Or are you somehow detached and simply awaiting the possibility of the opportunity, should you be offered it.

Too many questions…over thinking again. Can’t let my defenses down just yet. Keep it simple. ‘Stick to what you know.’ Appreciate the dependable, accept the normal and save face. In other words, …punk out.

I appreciate his beauty too much to taint it with my stained walls. Let him be. Don’t play the game if you can’t afford to lose fairly and with a defeated smile…able to walk away in content.

Just out the phone down and go back to sleep. Reality awaits you in the morning when this beautiful Mama Kia sets and Ra arises. Rest and ready yourself for the nu day rising. You are stronger than you believe to yourself. Have faith, patience is rewarded. Return to your Taoist mind… It is where you are most at peace.

ASE’

©DaraMonifah

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